Life Goes On

Life is still normal here just for the record. Since school started and Eli left, we've been especially low key. Probably not actually, I just don't have photos to prove it. Kids love school and have adventures there I can't capture. They're meeting people and learning. The reports I get back are really playing game after game. Who knew school was just a serious of games. Brigham finished this coloring page one long Sunday. 

Elise and I went for a playdate one Saturday and came home to a very rare playdate with big brothers. 

Me: Brigham, are you playing Risk with your little sister?!

Elise: I'm just watching him play himself.

💁

This year for April's birthday I had recently taken a plant to my neighbor who also lost a sister so I didn't want to drop more flowers off to her, that would've been pretty weird but I also wasn't sure who else I'd feel comfortable randomly dropping flowers off for. So, I bought some for myself. They were stunning and I was kinda excited about keeping them anyway. I also stayed up until 1am making a cheesecake for her birthday. I miss her. 👼

Matt has some pretty urgent business these days. He's gone a lot. With him and Eli gone I admit that the caliber of my cooking is down. We've had several hummus and pita meals of late. Thank goodness the hummus is delish!

I was having a bit of a downer day today. I've spent WAAAAYY too much time in the house or running errands which is about the same for me. I need missions and purpose and deadlines . . .I drove Elise to a birthday party and drove to the grocery store and drove the other kids to a big Teen gathering at the Embassy. These are all beautiful things. I also finished reading Caddie Woodlawn to my girls yesterday and played Nertz with the kids and I played SkipBo and so much more. I did GOOD things. I have nothing at all to regret. Nothing to lament and yet, that is how I feel. Partly because Matt is so busy, but also this lack of business and importance in myself. Not being needed for the greater good of something is an abyss to me. I know God's timing is perfect and I'm being as patient and as productive as I possibly can and still I am sad. But my most logical of minds sees sights like my favorite mosque that I got to drive by twice today and that mind knows that I am the luckiest girl on the planet. I get to live in the country I would pick first above all others for a 3 yr assignment. My kids are making friends and loving school. I have a helper to do much of my housework, Matt's job is going well. Luke is working on his Mandarin finally, Eli has lots of possibilities, Samuel is doing good things. I have it ALL. And yet I can't seem to make myself relax into this privilege.  I wonder if I'm just never satisfied or if I just don't feel like I'm living up to my potential and my calling. I still haven't figured it out. I will keep going though. I know God knows my heart and he surely doesn't ignore a willing heart forever.